caveman diet app



[calm gaming music] [laughting baby noises] ahh! my baby! no, no, no, no! hold on pumpkin! ♫ *baby laughs* come on, come on!

[losing music] [coin sound] *baby continues laughing* [suspense winning music] *thumps glass* dammit! oh no... last coin! *stares in agony* *slurps* [generic music]

*eerie ♫* hmph! *door closing* *yad etisoppo* *crows sound* *thump* *riiiing* oh boy! it's opposite day! extra, extra! opposite day!

opposite day! ahhhh, opposite dayyy! opposite dayyy... *thud* *wack* arghh! opposite daaay!! opposite daay...

*beep, beep* *stab* opossite daay... *singing*opposite day, opposite day, opposite day... *distant screams* on second thought, maybe i won't go out today... ♫ [generic music] ♫ *crash* ♫ [asian calm music] ♫

- alright. almost finished.*tap, tap, tap, tap on his back* is there anything else i can help you with ? another... happy ending ? - hmmmm... let's try the sad ending this time. *droping down the sheet* *metallic sounds while walking* *sad violin music**metallic sound while moving* *metallic sound* *sniff sniff*

*crying* *metallic sounds* [fapping sounds] [same asian calm music] *lady voice far way*- is there anything i can help you with ? - hmmm... i think i'll try the happy ending this time. *scrapping throat noises* *belch* [sad music]

[sad music][paper sounds] - haaaaa... well... there's only one thing left to do now. [water running] i'm going to invent "breakfast and bath" !! - that's the worst idea i've ever heard! [running sound] [glass breaking] [vomit sound]

[calm night sound] [spying music] - alright. time to get those secret files and blow this case wide open. eh eh. bloooow. hmm.. blowjobs. [extended material sound] oh no! [generic music](girly voices) dick tucker - the easily aroused secret agent! - alright. time to get those secret art files and bust this case wide open.

eh eh. buuust. hmm. booobs. boobies. ah ah[extending material sounds] *art/glass breaking* *alarms on* oh no ! [calm music] (russian accent) - ah ah ah ah ah ah!

(russian accent)you thought you get my secret missile files but now you're strapped to a not so secret missile yourself. - hmm... best of luck dick tucker. - haa... breast of luck.*beeping sound announcing the launch* i'm going to die. wait!the control panel. i need to press that button. button... butt. *extending material sound*

butt! big butts. big black butts.*tapping sound* *launching sound**crash / explosion* [generic sound] - hey! welcome to sweet seats!can i help you to find anything ? - euh... i'll just look around a little bit, thanks.- alright, you just let me know if you need anything. *steps* - wow! this chair is really comfortable.

this chair is even more comfortable! *running* this is the most comfortable! oh my god. how is this even possible? *terror zoom sound* it's not the chairs that are comfortable.it's... it's my ass! i have the most comfortable ass in the world! i can sit wherever i want. wherever, wherever.

ah, ah ah ah ah ah!*throwing and breaking things* ah ah ah ah ah![happy music begins] [happy music with drums] [happy music ending brutally]- you have an ass cancer. - ass cancer??!- it's a... it's when you have a cancer in your ass. - oh my god. how could this happen? - think. have you sat on anything radioactive lately? [happy music continues] [music cut]- oh... so hum.. *crying* how much longer do i..?

*bang* *crows* [shopping music]*grinding noises* - hi! welcome to sweet seats.- did you know... cliff miller ? - who?- that guy what with the comfortable ass and whatnot - oh, oh yeah, him! no. no, i didn't know him. i mean... he came into my store for like thirty seconds. - yeah. he wanted you to have this.- really? that's... okay, i guess. - have a good day, sir.*grinding noises going away* *opening the box*

- what the fu..* *fart* *space sound* - pshhhh. zouuu! psssh. (generic voice)- hey there, kiddo! playing spaceman again? - yeah! i'm gonna be an astronaut when i grow up! - well then, there are a few things that every spaceman should know first !- okay ! - weeeee! off to space we go. past the upper stratosphere. - wow !- and now we're passing the exosphere.- wohooo !

- up! up! and away we go! as your body is deprived of oxygen. - what?- you won't need oxygen for where you're going anyway. because breathing on the moon would send millions of tiny rock fragments shredding through your lungs like itty bitty razor blades. - but... what if i wore space suit? - fat chance! those are expensive! and you're a child with no marketable skills or previous work experience. - but... but...- besides, the suit will only prolong your suffering for six to eight hours tops! yes, kiddo. everywhere in space is deadly and not worth pursuing. - what about mars?

- you'd boil alive from solar radiation.- well... how about venus? i hear it has clouds like on earth. - clouds of acid rain to melt you alive! - but i heard girls went to jupiter to get more stupider.- they go there to be crushed my the gravity of ten thousand earths. yes, jupiter is covered in danger. and so is everything else in any direction. (children voices) - saturn!- not safe! (children voices) - ur*nus!- not safe! (children voices) - earth! - not safe! studies show that 100% of deaths happened right here on earth! that's right. space is nothing more than big black expanse of excruciating pain unimaginable horror!

from mercury all the way to pluto. we're not sure what beyond that though. it might be a landscape of frozen rock,aliens, or even god! but whatever it is, it probably eats children.- golly! i had no idea! - that's right kiddo. so, next time you feel like exploring space... *shutting down*- so? what do you wanna be when you grow up now, son? - hum... a fireman? *steps*- feel, hum... see. tchu tchu tchu. filmographer... finance... fireman! *inserting the vhs*

[funny show music] *birds noises* - honey, there's ... a reason i brought you out here today, i... *inhaling*i have a confession to make. *inhaling* *sipping her wine*i'm an alcoholic. *car arriving and braking*[scary music + crows] *knock, knock, knock* - are you excited, son? a whole weekend at grandma's house.

i bet she'll make you cookies if you're good.- this house is kind of weird. i don't like it.*door opens* - well my my. look how you've grown! - thanks for watching him maggy. we really appreciate it. goodbye son!*door closing* - now sonny, your room is upstairs on the right.- okay! - but whatever you do, don't go into the room on the left! you must stay out of that room.- alright. i'll keep out. - remember! stay out of the room on the left. *steps*[weird music]

*door opening* - i told you not to come in here!!- aaaaahhh.... [weird music] *alarms ringing* - officers! city hall is under siege by armed thugs. it's time to call... ...mothman. - turn on the moth signal!- i'm on it! *switching on*

*suspense music* *glass breaking* - well i guess we have to do our job now.- dang! - alright. spotlight's fixed, we got a bulb, the gel.the total is two thousand dollars. - well, i'm not paying for it. chief? chieeef?- what? don't look at me. i'm broke. - aaaaahhh *belch* *windy noises*

*water moving* - you know son, if you hold that up your ear, you can hear the ocean. *low ocean sound* *loud ocean sound* *loud ocean sound going away*- noooooooooooooooooooooo! [calm sad music and waves sound] - hey dad! - damn, man.i am bored. - yeah man. i'm bored as shit...what should we do?

- hmmmmmmm... - you thinking what i am thinking? - staring contest! [music begins] [music]

caveman diet app,[music]*kids cries* [silent]*steaming sound* - i win ! [final generic music]